Having a particularly horrible afternoon

A good friend of mine was diagnosed as terminally ill a Little while back. Her oncologist and OH decided it was best not to tell her that she had only a few weeks to go, which has put her OH under terrible strain, as he has only told the tiniest handful of us, and on the strict understanding that we must keep it to ourselves. My friend had made it absolutely clear that she wanted no visitors at all, saying she found it too tiring, but in my heart I have suspected all along that she knew the score, even if neither she nor her OH were actually discussing it.

I have maintained regular contact with him throughout, and by the weekend it looked like she was down to the last few days. Nurse and doctor coming in daily to see to her, and she is heavily sedated now. She is not in any pain. Today her OH has been e mailing me back and forth, as it looks pretty much imminent, and this afternoon has asked me if I will help with the funeral arrangements, saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone at all. To be honest, I think he would prefer not to have anyone attend the funeral, and I have just said to him that he must do whatever he feels the most comfortable with, and that people will understand. I genuinely believe that once nothing more can be done to help my friend, then his feelings must be the first consideration., but I do know that not everyone who knew her will feel the same way.

I just cannot settle at all, and am wandering about picking things up and putting them down again, and achieving nothing. I have told her OH to just ring/email/turn up at any time at all when he needs us, and as I know that will be when the inevitable has happened, it's just a case of waiting. It sounds awful to say it will be a relief when it is over , but the truth is that it will be.

Having a particularly horrible afternoon